Finland Interested in Buying California

After Trump’s poorly planned offer to buy Greenland, a new idea has surfaced in Helsinki, and it is being mooted by politicians, bankers and venture capitalists… why not put in a bid for California. The new government is putting the finishing touches to its annual budget and they have just had some innovative inspiration over the weekend…

The reasons for Finland’s interest are clear – California has excellent universities and bigger financial and human resources to help start-ups grow. The weather is also better, and there are excellent local wineries. Finns always invest in great education, understand the importance of innovation and finance, and always enjoy a good glass of wine. 

The advantages for Californians are simple enough. We can offer a great public health system, and great schools for children.

Even though we pay more in taxes, we end up with more money in our pockets at the end of the day with cost efficient, high quality healthcare, education and other basic infrastructure. We also know how to manage forests which unlike the “Orange Rake Man” we do also in cost efficient manner.

Our cold winters mean that we understand how to build housing that lasts and does not waste energy. Energy efficiency also means that we also have a deep understanding of public transport… agains too many Californians are always complaining about traffic congestion. We do not have that in Finland – and we are sure that we can solve that problem. 

We have “Sisu” and that means we are smart and determined against all odds… we can solve almost any challenge no matter how big. For example, we have remained an independent country even though both Russia and Sweden have tried and failed to rule us.

But the biggest draw for Finns is that we can become much bigger than the rest of the Nordics all together . With a combined population of 45 million we would be 20 million people more than the Nordics. We could look down on Sweden, at last…

Financing the acquisition would not be too difficult because we could easily get the EU and Trump to pay.The EU will get a foothold in the USA, and that is worth a pretty penny. Mr. Trump has already paid for the “Wall”, and we are pretty sure that he wants to get rid of tiresome Californians… and that, of course, is the biggest draw for Californians too. They get rid of that man, and the rest of that swamp in one small step for mankind…

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